Christian Family Priorities

In yesterday’s sermon titled “The Battle Cry for Christian Men”, I talked about the danger of misguided family priorities, of putting the things of this world ahead of the priorities of heaven. We are all tempted by such things. But avoiding the dangers is only half the solution. We must replace dangers with the godly priorities of the Christian family. Here are seven such priorities for your consideration that I simply didn’t have time to address in the sermon:

1. Your highest priority as parents is to prayerfully evangelize and disciple your sons and daughters while living out before them a consistent Christian life. Then leave the results with God. You have a daily opportunity to teach and model for them a Biblical worldview, where all of life is seen through the lens of Scripture. It does not mean you sequester them away from the world and all of its problems, temptations and tragedy but that you teach them how to understand it and navigate life armed with the mind of Christ as informed by Scripture. This happens with increasing depth and sophistication as they mature.
   
   Worldview formation must go beyond a VBS kind of faith or memorizing John 3:16 and calling it a day. Worldview formation comes as we apply God’s truth, both Law and Gospel, to everything we see, hear and experience. It comes from discerning truth from lies and even exposing the lies of our flesh, Satan and worldly culture. With lies exposed by the Word of God, we then can evaluate everything carefully and cling to what is good.
   
   This means that song lyrics, movies, social media apps, commercials, news, current events, natural disasters, disappointments, crime, sickness, death … all of these provide alert parents with teachable moments where you mold the clay of your child with the lasting impression of a Christian worldview.
   
   What this also means is you give the local church its rightful place of influence and presence in the life of your children. Coming to church is not a weekly decision but a once for all time commitment. Saved parents, especially dads, are responsible to teach the gospel to your kids. A biblical church will never usurp that role, but delights to come alongside you to support and compliment what you are doing at home.
   
   Encouraging relationships with godly adults in your church is a great way to bless and encourage your children. Especially relationships with your pastors and elders. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).
   
   
2. Your second highest priority of parenting is like the first, but expands past theology and Bible to the good and true knowledge and works of man. Parents and especially fathers, it is your responsibility to provide the best, well-rounded education possible for your children. Anti-intellectualism has no place in the Christian home. Whether you choose public, private of home- schooling models and methods, the most important element is for dad to be heavily invested in the process and the outcome, showing interest, giving encouragement, applying discipline and accountability from the earliest days of your child’s education. No matter your choice (which is often year by year and child by child), every Christian parent is “home-schooling” their children.
   
   We are made in the image of God and called to love the Lord our God with all our minds. That’s why a mind is a terrible thing to waste! Dads, involve yourself as much as possible in what your children are learning and reading, how they are doing in school, and why it all matters. Why study English grammar or Latin or Greek or algebra? Why is world and U.S. history important? You should be able to answer these questions. Ultimately dad, their education and training for their calling/vocation is your responsibility, not the government, not the church and not even mom. Of course her role is also vital and you may and will enlist other adults along the way to accomplish this, but a responsible dad knows this is his calling as provider and protector in the home. Educating and helping others to train your children for the job market is protecting them from poverty!
   
   
3. Teach and model a life of service to others, how to relate to other people of all ages and all walks of life, how to have a meaningful conversation, how to have respect for all people, especially those we disagree with, how to ask questions of others to show interest in them. I suppose you can file all of this under social IQ. Teach your children how to meet other people, how to introduce themselves, how to shake hands and look others in the eye.
   
   I fear most parents don’t take advantage of the vast resources in our church to educate your children socially by creating times to be with other adults in the church. Even in a small church in a small town, our lives are often too isolated and independent of each other, and we are missing informal moments where your kids can listen to other adults and engage with them and learn from them. This was a highlight of all three of our kids growing up at KBC. The benefits of this are endless. Even if the experience turns out unpleasant, that too can be a teachable moment!
   
   
4. Help them develop basic life skills like how to sleep well, good nutrition, daily exercise, money management, how to interview for a job, how to drive, mow the yard, paint the house, trim the hedges, even basic house and car maintenance. Teach them how to cook, entertain and show hospitality to others. Show them how to clean the house, do laundry and change out the air filter. Everyone’s abilities and situations are different so you will need to be creative and realistic and age appropriate. The point is our children need a practical education on how to live in this world on their own, how to work and earn and save and spend in this world without being a burden on others; how to take care of themselves and their stuff. That leads to number five.
   
   
5. Teach and model personal discipline and a strong work ethic. My favorite line from Jungle Book, one of my favorite movies ever, is from the elephant when he says “Discipline. Discipline is the thing.” When our son Caleb recently went to Nigeria for a mission/video project, guess what he brought back to me as a gift? That’s right, a little wood elephant!
   
   One of my most often quoted lines to our kids growing up was from Paul, in 2 Thessalonians 3:10: “If anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either.” Kim’s favorite parting words as they left the house were “be obedient.” Kids need to earn their keep, not learn to be entitled free loaders. I love the old-timers stories of getting a job as a teenager and bringing their check home and putting it on the fireplace mantle. Thankfully, we didn’t have a fireplace mantle where I grew up.
   
   Teach your kids that you have to work hard for pretty much everything in life that’s worth having, except salvation! Even if something amazing is given to them, like a house or new car, they still must work hard to maintain it. Tell them your war stories about life before they ever came along. Too often our kids want to step into adult-hood at the standard of living we currently have. But that wasn’t our standard of living when we started out! Ignore the eye rolls and tell them what it has taken to get to where you are today.
   
   I’m convinced in this land of plenty that if you have ½ a brain, are teachable, respectful and have a great work ethic, you can succeed, sometimes in amazing ways. It often just takes time and effort.
   
   
6. Speak often about sacrifice, delayed gratification and how to handle disappointments.
   
   One definition of sacrifice is “an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.” We give up sleep for work or exercise. We give up exercise for a spiritual conversation with a friend. We give up friends who lead us astray. We give up food to lose weight. We give up time, money and comfort to have and raise children. We let those children go as young adults to serve the Lord and create their own families. The word “sacrifice” should come from your mouth early and often.
   
   Delayed gratification means you don’t cut corners to escape pain. Delayed gratification means you trust the process, invest for the long haul, don’t expect instant or overnight success. By embracing delayed gratification, you  don’t get ahead of God’s will so you put off that pleasure, fun or recreation until the work has been done or the wedding vows have been made. It’s another way of saying “do hard things first.” You train yourself to earn dessert, not feel entitled. The afternoon football game is earned by three hours of yard work. We go to CFA after homework is done. You wait for sex until after the wedding. You discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness vs pampering yourself for the purpose of pleasure.
   
   Life is not what happens to you but how your respond to what happens to you. And what happens to us in this life is often disappointing. I can’t tell you how many times our three children were disappointed by health problems or inopportune sickness, by hurtful friends, by bad weather ruining our plans, by buzzer beater losses, by decisions that turned out to be poor ones. How many times have we disappointed them as their parents and each other as spouses?
   
   As Paul Tripp asks in his book title on marriage – What did you expect? How many times have we been disappointed by plans and hopes and dreams that weren’t fulfilled? Too many to count.
   
   Life is about successfully navigating the gap between expectations and reality. What do you do with the gap? Teach and model, pray and encourage your children to properly handle disappointments of life without turning to broken cisterns that can hold no water, to idols of friends, food, porn, drink, phones, sports, sleep and whatever else they can find to escape the disappointment and numb the pain that inevitably falls upon every life.
   
   Disappointments are teachable moments into the topics of contentment, trusting God, forgiving others, being cheerful, counting it all joy, the return of Christ and perseverance.
   
   
7. Have some fun! Life is hard and short. They will be grown and gone soon. As every wise parent will tell you, enjoy every stage of life with your kids. Have parties. Go to their events. Surprise them with treats or trips. Wrestle and dance and sing and be goofy. The entertainment value of children is immense! Your house will get real quiet when they are all gone.
   
   Recently our daughter-in-law Mary shared an amazing video of her sister Laura telling their young daughters they were going to Disney World. The kids were opening a surprise gift of little Disney carry-on luggage and looked confused. Mom starts leading them to the answer with clues. Eventually she says, “we are going to Disney World. Right now. We have packed your bags and are leaving in a few minutes.” One of the girls, maybe 6 years old, just erupts in unmitigated joy and squeals of delight. I teared up and they aren’t even our grand-kids! If I could go back and do one thing different as a parent, I would have more fun with the kids.